Dwile Flonking Executive to make doping compulsory

Definitely on something.

Officials at the Harold World Dwile Flonking Association have voted unanimously for drugs.

In a competitive sports environment dominated by corruption and cheating, Dwile Flonking has struggled for media attention compared with other daft sports, such as running.

But while some expressed concerns for the safety of competitors, the committee came to the conclusion that pharmaceuticals would make dwile flonking ‘funnier’.

“Whether it’s hayfever tablets or hippy crack, you’d better be on something”, said Head of Flonking, Phil Evans. “The doctor will shine a special torch in your face and if he’s not convinced, we’ll give you something from this bag.”

“I found it in my pig shed, the big green ones look tasty. And most of them are still well within date.”

With record crowds expected at this season’s opening flonk, Harold’s football club could soon follow their lead.

“While Harold Thursday is still dead against performance-enhancing drugs, we think there’s a lot to be said for the ones that do the opposite”, said striker Bill Cooke.

“And while we may have slipped the odd roofie into the opposition’s half-time jug of squash in the past, these tiny mushrooms are more likely to help us climb up the table.”

“Although now I can’t get down. Why are you inside-out? I feel queasy, have you given me the Dillons?”