Couple arrested for ‘disappointing public sex act’


Not even slightly convincing.

A visitor to Harold who was thought to be performing a sex act on her boyfriend when she was in fact just waking him up, has been arrested for leading the village on.

Lou-Anne Buck told PC Flegg “the rules in Harold are bizarre”,
after being detained next to the village bandstand with her boyfriend Barry Marston in her grasp.

Music fans, including children, gathered to watch as the pair appeared to get it on. Witness Kevin Smith was so aroused that he even filmed the couple on his mobile phone.

Kevin claimed Mr Marston was lying on his side when Ms Buck “leaned over him and undid his shorts”. In the footage, Buck can be seen moving her head towards Marston’s groin. “It came to my attention that she was trying to undo his shorts” said Kevin. “When I realised things were getting fruity I became excited. It was a family event, so I called my children over to get a better look”.

“Barry was lying on the ground and I was leaning over him and tugging at him” said Ms Buck. She demonstrated to the crowd, causing Kevin to whip out his mobile phone again. “I was just trying to wake him up”.

“Local rules in Harold can indeed seem confusing to outsiders” said PC Flegg, “however ignorance of the law is no defence. If it looks like you’re at it in a public space then you need to make sure you’re really at it. Not just taking a nap, practicing yoga or ‘walking the dog’.”

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