The road, the hole road and nothing but the road.
There are red faces in the Highways Agency following a rash of complaints from motorists about the large number of potholes appearing on Britain’s roads. Motoring organizations and MPs are blaming the Highways Agency after it was discovered that the lucrative road maintenance contract was awarded to an unknown firm called Integrated Expert Developments from the Islamic State.
Nigel Watson, Chief Bituminous Surface Uniformity Preservation Executive at the Highways Agency said that the ISIS quote came in significantly lower than all the competing firms.
“We have to consider the taxpayer’s pound when awarding this type of contract” he said. “They’re a fledgling company I agree, but their proposal was excellent. They were very cheap and have won awards for their work redesigning civic infrastructure in the middle east. Plus they said they’d execute Mavis Briggs from accounts if we didn’t cooperate”.
However in practice the firm’s workforce appears to have been adding to the pothole problem rather than curing it.
Peter Collins from the AA said the whole exercise was a disaster. “Their practice of using high explosives as a hard core base to fill in the holes is highly unconventional. One heavy goods vehicle and the hole’s back again only 10 times bigger. I’m afraid heads will have to roll for this.”
Mr Watson was however unapologetic, “What do you have to do to make people happy in this country? You do these things for the best of intentions and they just blow up in your face”.
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