Nick Clegg loses argument with McDonald’s drive-thru assistant

Clegg was unsure whether to appeal to the left or to the right.

Nick Clegg faced further humiliation this morning, after losing a conversation with a girl working in McDonalds.

Clegg, who revealed he eats cheap meat for comfort if people are mean to him, was left looking ‘out of touch, out of ideas and out of onion rings’ by the ordeal.

Nikki Hampton works at the fast food outlet to pay her way through her degree. Responsible for mumbling the names of burgers and then sniggering as people smash their door mirrors against her booth, she was more than a match for Britain’s deputy PM.

“I knew it was someone pretending to be important by the length of their limo”, said Hampton. “And true enough, when the blackened rear window dropped there was just this sad, little boy-man staring out. When he squeaked ‘a whopper please’, I knew that I’d got him on the ropes. He was literally in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Hampton garbled the firm’s opening hours at Clegg and explained that burgers were only available after 10.30, because of an EU law on how long people should spend eating their breakfast.

Before Clegg could claim this was untrue, she enquired if Clegg thought ‘she looked like a Burger King’. The Lib Dem leader stared at the floor, and started to cry.

“That’s when I asked ‘do you want lies with that, you two-faced tuition-feeing bastard’ and he grimaced, and motioned for his driver to crash into the van in front.”

Hampton hopes Clegg comes back tomorrow so she can challenge him again. “I’ll pee in his coffee”, she explained. “Lets see how he likes that for a coalition between something rich and something yellow.”