Tag Archives: vote

Nation braced for being told how to vote by actors


Two people who live on a planet so different from ours they might as well be aliens

As the referendum campaigns enter their final frothing madness stage the UK is braced for a barrage of instruction from some of the most over-praised and overpaid people in the country. The list is long however the Evening Harold managed to catch up with two of the nation’s leading and most talkative thesps who spake unto us from their bubble of privilege.

Benedict Cumberbatch who last year in the West End nightly treated fans to a very long and ill-informed speech on Syria with a quick couple of scenes from Hamlet thrown in at the beginning said that actors should tell people what to do because “we’re just better than you”. Continue reading

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Jeremy Corbyn accidentally votes against Labour

"I'm not sure what the question was."

“I’m not sure what the question was.”

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has accidentally supported the Conservative party, after ‘instinctively’ voting against Labour party policy.

“This can happen if you’re a rebel, and you end up in charge”, said a spokesman. “It’s easy to forget that it was you who made the decision in the first place.”

Jeremy Corbyn has rebelled against his party more than 500 times during his career. Shadow Chancellor John McDonnell praised him for his consistency, but then changed his mind and called him a ‘scab’.
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Disgust as rebel MPs vote with their conscience


One of the maniacs who expressed an opinion.

A handful of Labour MPs have caused widespread disgust after voting in parliament in line with their principles.

Supply leader Harriet Harman had urged her MPs not to vote on welfare reforms, because doing so might make them unpopular with traditional tory voters.

“It’s those conservative voters that Labour needs to appeal to in future”, said Harman. “We’re not going to get far if we listen to the little voice inside that says ‘this is wrong, we should object to this with every fibre of our being’.”
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Another gaffe as Miliband flies to Cardiff to deliver keynote Scottish independence speech

So good to be back in Scotland.

So good to be back in Scotland.

Aides close to Ed Miliband were rallying around the gaffe prone Labour leader after he surprisingly arrived in Cardiff to deliver his first major speech on the vote for Scottish independence.

Although officials tried to explain away the obvious error by saying that Miliband was in Cardiff to be available in the unlikely event that NATO leaders wanted to consult with him, the explanation seems to be that the Opposition leader was under the mistaken belief that Cardiff was in Scotland.

The situation wasn’t helped when upon arriving at Cardiff Airport, Miliband, wearing a specially made Kinnock clan tartan tie to show solidarity with the local population, asked where he could buy some Edinburgh rock as a souvenir. Continue reading

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Jeremy Hunt to streamline NHS, by closing down NHS


After gaining more powers over the NHS in a commons’ vote last night, Jeremy Hunt has outlined plans to make the health service more efficient and streamlined by closing every hospital.

Under coalition plans, closed hospitals can either be purchased by private healthcare providers, knocked down for housing, or turned into Poundlands.

The health secretary was forced to defend the move. “The NHS costs the taxpayers billions of pounds every year,” he argued.

“So the best thing to do with an organisation that is losing money is to get rid of it, unless it’s a bank of course, then you buy it.”

Concerns have been raised about the small matter of the coalition providing healthcare and a corridor for poor people to die in. However Mr Hunt explained there will be options for those that can’t afford private insurance.

“We will take the example from the education sector and let people set up their own ‘free hospitals’,” he said.

“It’s a great system that lies outside of government control, which means they can be set up without any real doctors.

“I can’t think of anything cheaper than getting a mechanic doing surgery. In fact, anyone that can remove a rib without making the patient buzz and his nose light up is qualified enough for me.”

Despite widespread condemnation of the plans, the health secretary has said he feels he has the full backing of the soon-to-be-redundant nurses in the hospitals.

“I was in Lewisham just the other day and I’m sure heard them all shouting my name in support. ‘Hunt, Hunt, you’re a funky Hunt’ they shouted. I think. Oh wait, maybe it was…oh.”

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