Nation braced for being told how to vote by actors

Two people who live on a planet so different from ours they might as well be aliens

As the referendum campaigns enter their final frothing madness stage the UK is braced for a barrage of instruction from some of the most over-praised and overpaid people in the country. The list is long however the Evening Harold managed to catch up with two of the nation’s leading and most talkative thesps who spake unto us from their bubble of privilege.

Benedict Cumberbatch who last year in the West End nightly treated fans to a very long and ill-informed speech on Syria with a quick couple of scenes from Hamlet thrown in at the beginning said that actors should tell people what to do because “we’re just better than you”.

“We travel the world and inhabit many, many roles. Who is going to offer a more coherent and considered point of view, me who once read a script about being a political scientist and for those brief moments became one to his very soul or someone who really is one but utterly lacks the insight and spiritual power an actor brings to everything he or she does?”

Emma Thompson said that it was her right to speak about the referendum and our duty to listen. “I have a wealth of insight and knowledge that normal people simply can’t conceive of. I was almost in a film about Nelson Mandela so that tells you  how politically savvy I am. Actors are immensely valuable to society. Is what we do more important, in a very real sense, to the nations’ well-being than the NHS? I’ll leave that for others to say but the answer’s yes. Now shut up, vote Remain, and buy tickets to my latest film. There’s a good soldier.”