Blatter auditions for ‘Call My Bluff’.
Sky and BT are locked in a fierce battle for the the rights to televise Sepp Blatter’s trial.
Sky are promising to debut their slow-motion car crash technology, and a resolution that could see their new star locked into a 20 year contract, excluding parole.
“This is an exciting event that everyone has been looking forward to for years”, said Rupert Murdoch.
“Trust me, we have a lot of experience in how the court system works. My son James is going to head up this bid.”
An elderly Swiss chook, Pegg Splatter, says a clutch of bad eggs has nothing to do with her, and she has absolutely no idea how they came to be found under her bottom.
American and Swiss poultry inspectors raided the Zurich henhouse looking for corrupted eggs, and their suspicions were aroused when Splatter shifted nervously on a bed of shredded brown envelopes and dollar bills.
Qatar’s slave labour has said it welcomes FIFA’s recommendation that the 2022 World Cup should be held a few months later than normal, giving them more chance of them finishing the stadia on time, and therefore less chance of having their Human Rights violated for being late.
With the results of an investigation showing corruption in FIFA led to the awarding of the 2022 World Cup to Qatar, The Sunday Times have become this year’s favourites to scoop the ‘No Shit, Sherlock’ award for journalism.
The award is given to stories that use investigations, evidence, and concrete proof to end up with a shocking revelation that most people thought was already fact, leading them to say ‘no shit, Sherlock’.
Previous winners of the award include The Daily Telegraph with their discovery in 2009 that MPs were dishonest.
FIFA’s Sepp Blatter described international press as ‘vultures’.
The Emir of Qatar has reassured FIFA that he is ‘confident’ of killing at least 4,000 migrant workers before the 2022 World Cup opening ceremony.
Using a combination of squalid conditions, oppressive brutality and safety gear made out of paper, the emirate has so far managed to see off around 400 Nepalese slaves.
“It’s a start”, said Emir Tamim bin Hamad Al Thani. “We’re on track, but I think we could do more.”