JFK incident ‘shouldn’t detract from a really great gun’
NRA members across America today celebrated the timeless design and long range accuracy of the 6.5 mm Carcano Model 91/38 carbine, the rifle Lee Harvey Oswald used to assassinate President Kennedy.
“The Carcano 91/38 was everything you could want in a rifle, accurate for long shots from a 6th story window and yet still highly effective for the close combat stuff, like shooting a stranded motorist who stops by your house to borrow the telephone” said NRA spokesmen Jed Hicks. “The rifle was also sharply priced at $19.95, plus postage. Obviously I don’t approve of Oswald shooting the President, but his choice of mail-order rifle was excellent.”
“Obviously Oswald’s rifle was the most memorable thing from 22 November 1963, but some of the Secret Service weaponry came a close second” observed Hicks. “The Colt AR-15 high-velocity rifle that most of them had was the sort of weapon that, even now, gun fans proudly display on their bedside table to use against home invaders or provide something for the kids to play with.”
It’s all very tasteful
The lucrative JFK-Shooting-50th-Anniversary market looks set to welcome one of the biggest hitters in Harold’s lucrative Toy sector.
Ray Dubbins of ToysR our business explains “Our starter kit includes a presidential limousine, complete with two versions each of JFK, the First Lady and the other one –‘before’ and ‘after’ – and a Lee Harvey Oswald sniper figure which you could place anywhere; on a bookshelf perhaps.”
Beyond this, the sky’s the limit and encompasses most popular conspiracy theories. “You could get a grassy knoll; a Jack Ruby action-man, with realistic bulge under his jacket; a set of Mafia bosses in a huddle, complete with Capo di tutti capi, and a working Frank Sinatra.” Continue reading
Elvis after eating the evidence
Sensational evidence has emerged that Elvis Presley was responsible for the death of Princess Diana, and that his paymasters were big pharmaceutical companies eager to silence Diana’s views on conventional medicine.
In what will be seen as an embarrassment to the original investigating officers, it appears that obvious clues were missed such as a 70s jumpsuit, a tub of brylcreem, and 15 jars of peanut butter. A re-examination of CCTV evidence showed that a street sweeper known only as “Sivle” smeared a brylcreem and peanut butter concoction at the entrance of the tunnel causing Diana’s vehicle to slide uncontrollably and then crash.