We googled ‘idiot’ & ‘complete f*cking idiot’ and one man kept cropping up. Any guesses?
“I’ve no idea what WTO means” agreed part-time village idiot Alec Fairchild today “but I’m sure Jacob Rees-Mogg has my best interests at heart and he is definitely not betting against the UK by setting up loads of businesses in Dublin.”
“Of course you have to have rules,” Fairchild acknowledged, speaking at Harold’s Squirrel Lickers Arms, where he’s pub-bore in residence.
“If Anthony Joshua just went round beating people up at random he’d never get anywhere Continue reading
Or even from the tower of my stately home
Jacob Rees-Mogg remains hopeful that the UK Brexit sky-diving team will secure a no-parachute outcome. “What this country needs is to thud into the ground at 122mph. Like a sack of stone-ground organic flour dropped from the loft of a nicely restored, timber-framed, 17th Century Tithe Barn.” said Rees-Mogg.
“Or to use another analogy, say a 61 year-old woman wrapped in a duvet, accidentally falling from the roof of a five storey, Old Westminster mansion, recently bought by a man who definitely doesn’t want Continue reading
Worried violence might break out too late for him to get involved
The ‘man in the white shirt’ who hit a woman protester at a Jacob Rees-Mogg speech says he stepped in to protect the MP due to a lack of security.
The man said his reaction was prompted by a lack of security and that he feared for an attack on Mr Rees-Mogg in the wake of Jo Cox’s murder.
”Jo Cox was uppermost in my mind, so an uppercut to a woman seemed like the right response. Sadly I only managed a rather clumsy Continue reading
‘Everyone needs someone to look up to – for me it’s me’
Jacob Rees-Mogg thinks if David Davis’ team was more upbeat they’d be more successful, in the same way that Kyle Edmund would have beaten Marin Čilić in straight sets if he’d just been a bit more positive. “That’s how things work”, he said.
Embodiment of all that’s wrong with inherited wealth, MP Rees-Mogg did nothing else but shuffle cash around, before landing a plum Tory seat but now likes to spend his time counting his private income and telling everyone else what they should think, Continue reading
Jacob hanging on to a majority in his constituency
Speaking outside the 20th century (at the other end), Rees-Mogg, an expert on laws spiritual and temporal, explained that his God hates divorce, contraception, and menstrual cycles. And socialists – “not just the women socialists though.”
The MP says that although he is prepared to compromise his beliefs, as far as the divorce itself is concerned, actually paying for it is a step too far. “I would never do so, of course, but if I ever did leave my wife I Continue reading
Jacob Rees-Mogg likes to have a firm grip on the pulse of the nation
“Women bear a moral responsibility for being women” says Jacob Rees-Mogg “and for all that goes with it. Having a vagina, uterus, womb, being attractive to rapists. That sort of thing.”
Mr Rees-Mogg opposes abortion as “morally indefensible”, even after a woman has been raped. “When a man gets raped he doesn’t run off to his doctor, Continue reading
Filed under News, Politics
Jacob about to critique the pointing on this Cotswold stone wall
Condescending prick, Jacob Rees-Mogg, probably spoiled yesterday, for you as well as for us, by oiling his way round TV and Radio studios, instead of actually doing the job we pay him for.
As an MP, Rees-Mogg has no set hours or duties so, instead of working on some constituency business, he feels entitled to swan around news and current affairs studios from dawn to dusk.
Early risers heard him on Radio 4’s ‘Today’, whilst it was still dark, both outside your house and inside Rees- Mogg’s heart, and he was still Continue reading
Jacob. You can make up your own caption
Embodiment of arguments against wealth, privilege, and inbreeding, MP Jacob Rees-Mogg, says that Eton, Oxford, and a few years juggling other people’s money means he knows more than High Court Judges do about constitutional law.
Rather than spending hours in court, carefully listening to legal argument, fierce brexiter Rees-Mogg spent hours in TV studios, waiting to spout nonsense as soon as the High Court decision on triggering Article 50 was announced. So it was no surprise that he was at Sky News, already wearing his make-up, when it was. Continue reading
Filed under News, referendum