Jacob Rees-Mogg says that as divorce is un-Catholic, so is any EU divorce bill

Jacob hanging on to a majority in his constituency

Speaking outside the 20th century (at the other end), Rees-Mogg, an expert on laws spiritual and temporal, explained that his God hates divorce, contraception, and menstrual cycles. And socialists – “not just the women socialists though.”

The MP says that although he is prepared to compromise his beliefs, as far as the divorce itself is concerned, actually paying for it is a step too far. “I would never do so, of course, but if I ever did leave my wife I certainly wouldn’t pay for any of our joint financial commitments. Where’s the sense in that?”

Rees-Mogg has advised the PM to make the most of Mrs Merkel’s weakened situation, following the German general election and press for a more favourable Brexit outcome.

“Following Theresa May’s glorious success in our own general election, she is perfectly placed to exploit her position of strength.”

“Taking advantage of vulnerable people is a key feature of Catholicism.” Rees-Mogg went on, warming to his task “The fact that the German Chancellor is a woman is merely the icing on the cake.”