Tag Archives: ice

Kremlin denies all knowledge of UK weather

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The Russian Ambassador has complained about prejudiced UK weather reports.

“You get bit of snow and immediately point finger at Russia. Not fair. You have no evidence to support theory of cold air from Siberia.”

But the met office has confirmed that the recent big freeze was correctly identified as the Beast from the East, or Storm Vladimir Putin to give it its proper name.

“The evidence is there,” said a BBC weatherwoman, pointing to the carcass of a yeti washed up on a beach in Norfolk.

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Filed under Defence, gritters, Politics, Weather

High hopes for Olympic gold in road gritting

glitterBritain could boost its Olympic medal tally today, after breaking the track record in the Pointless Road Gritting Relay qualifiers.

With the UK team deploying grit to tackle everything from high winds, fallen trees and silted-up rivers that used to be motorways, few countries look like they have enough in the tank to really threaten for gold.

“When the chips are down and the elements throw everything they have at us, only the British show this level of resolve”, said head coach Nigel Withers. “No matter what the temperature or road conditions we only know one thing and that thing is this: driving slowly in a lorry with all the yellow lights on and spraying everything with small rocks until we’ve won.”

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Filed under Politics, Uncategorized, Weather

Road glitter lorries ‘festive but treacherous’


All that glitters is not a contribution to road safety.

Safety campaigners have slammed the council as ‘reckless’ following the introduction of a fleet of road glitters.

Harold council bought three lorries to tackle the impending festivities, and to add a bit of sparkle to the B roads around the village. But Pippa Delaney was highly critical of the new surface treatment, after careering off the road in her Land Rover Freelander on a treacherous mix of sleet, frost and shiny bits of plastic.

Equipped with powerful diesel engines and a sort of spinny metal thing on the back, each of the trucks is capable of covering around 25 miles of road in glitter a night, up to a depth of three inches.

But Delaney insists that far from adding ‘a bit of Christmas magic’ to road traffic accidents, the trucks are actually causing most of them.
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