Road glitter lorries ‘festive but treacherous’


All that glitters is not a contribution to road safety.

Safety campaigners have slammed the council as ‘reckless’ following the introduction of a fleet of road glitters.

Harold council bought three lorries to tackle the impending festivities, and to add a bit of sparkle to the B roads around the village. But Pippa Delaney was highly critical of the new surface treatment, after careering off the road in her Land Rover Freelander on a treacherous mix of sleet, frost and shiny bits of plastic.

Equipped with powerful diesel engines and a sort of spinny metal thing on the back, each of the trucks is capable of covering around 25 miles of road in glitter a night, up to a depth of three inches.

But Delaney insists that far from adding ‘a bit of Christmas magic’ to road traffic accidents, the trucks are actually causing most of them.

“It certainly looks pretty”, admitted Delaney. “I noticed that while I was trapped in the wreckage. But as I dragged myself out through the windscreen and slithered about on the slippery road surface, I thought to myself ‘they should probably stick to using salt’.”

Ron Ronsson, the brains behind the operation, claimed that the glitter was perfectly safe as well as breath-taking, and blamed a sharp rise in accidents on increased local traffic.

“Teens from Dunstable are covering their cars in Pritt Stick and driving just inches from the tails of our trucks”, he claimed. “It might make your car look like it’s ‘powered by pixie dust’, but the pixies aren’t going to be first on the scene to provide first aid, are they? Or maybe they will be. Do pixies eat glitter?”

The sharp rise in injuries is increasing pressure on A&E units, already struggling to cope with an epidemic of disco-related accidents. “We’re swamped at the moment by people with abrasions to their eyes and faces, and a sort of sand-blasted affect on their arms”, explained a spokesman for the local hospital.

“Most of these injuries can be directly attributed to new trend for gritter balls.”

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