“Incredibly, he even boasted about it,” says George Osborne
Media attention was diverted away from the Mossack Fonseca revelations today, following a leak of information from the UK Treasury Office which appears to implicate a former Labour Chancellor in what George Osborne described as the ‘biggest financial scam ever’.
“Gordon Brown siphoned off millions of pounds of taxpayers’ money into a secret tax haven known only by its codename,” said a communiqué issued by the Treasury. “They called it The Public Purse.”
Contingency plans are well advanced on both sides of the border in readiness to respond to the inevitable rush of economic migrants from Scotland in the event of a “Yes” vote for independence.
With Gordon Brown’s initiative to save the Union doomed by definition of it being a Gordon Brown initiative, the Coalition Government is treating the possible invasion of hordes of insurgent Scots, once reality kicks in and they realise they have nothing to live on other than pride, porridge and potatoes, as a real threat to the Disunited Kingdom.
Realising that his, as yet unveiled, programme of ethnic cleansing may frighten off second generation Scots, Alex Salmond is said to be keen to maintain border security. Continue reading
Glasgow city centre July 2015 if the Yes campaign prevails
Eerie reminder to be careful what you wish for; Gordon Brown has issued a dire warning aimed at those intending to vote for Scotland to become independent. Speaking at an event in support of the Better Together campaign the former Prime Minister announced that in an independent Scotland it will always be winter but never Christmas. He also claimed that inequality and poverty could “survive until doomsday”. Continue reading
Having a real baby to kiss will stop Ed having to use his imagination
With around 18 months to go until the next General Election, the three main political party leaders and Nick Clegg are encouraging young, good looking and fertile couples to start reproducing to ensure a healthy supply of babies to kiss during their campaigns.
In what is seen to be the last tradition that still allows grown men to kiss strangers’ children, the act is seen by many spin doctors as a good way to make the front pages and gain votes without having to be held to account on policy.
“If these preferably beautiful couples start creating little bundles of electoral gold now, then they will be 9 months old at the height of the Election Campaign” ex-labour spin doctor Alastair Campbell explained. “Politicians are at their core, a little bit thick. Having a few nine-month-old pieces of political capital spread around a meet and greet gives them a diversion from real people asking questions on policy.”
Filed under News, Politics
Have you ever walked into a bank, and had a conversation with one of the cashiers? Have you taken advantage of telephone banking only to find yourself talking to someone on the other end of the phone? Have you ever banked online and had some words on the screen?
If you have answered yes to any of the above, a new investigation has shown you were probably mis-sold something.
Filed under Lifestyle, News