Harold’s best (and only) firm of Funeral Directors have announced a Black Friday special promotion with a range of tempting discounts for anyone having the misfortune of bereavement this weekend.
“We thought we’d join the Black Friday trend and I must say our special deals are to die for,” proprietor Carmen Hilton told the Evening Harold. “So if you have an elderly bed blocker who is selfishly delaying the inevitable this could be the perfect time to gently suggest to them that if they shuffled off now they could save the family a small fortune.”
Ms Hilton stressed the advantages of the current offer which expires on Sunday. “If you call us before the end of the day, we can have them in the ground before December,” she said brightly. Continue reading
Mandela all set for fifth funeral this week
Members of Nelson Mandela’s family are urging the courts to let them bury him as soon as possible, despite the 94 year-old statesman’s stable condition.
Insisting that Nelson is now in a ‘permanent vegetative state’, his relatives are keen for him to lead one final underground movement.
But their claims seem at odds with reports from others who have visited Nelson, who claim he’s ‘never looked fitter’.
“This morning I watched him eat a 16 ounce steak, then jog his way around a half-marathon”, said one visitor. “He didn’t win, in fact he nearly came last. But I don’t think that’s justification enough to bury him.”
Filed under News, Politics