Family ‘already buried Nelson Mandela a few times’


Mandela all set for fifth funeral this week

Members of Nelson Mandela’s family are urging the courts to let them bury him as soon as possible, despite the 94 year-old statesman’s stable condition.

Insisting that Nelson is now in a ‘permanent vegetative state’, his relatives are keen for him to lead one final underground movement.

But their claims seem at odds with reports from others who have visited Nelson, who claim he’s ‘never looked fitter’.

“This morning I watched him eat a 16 ounce steak, then jog his way around a half-marathon”, said one visitor. “He didn’t win, in fact he nearly came last. But I don’t think that’s justification enough to bury him.”

Nelson Mandela has already been buried on four separate occasions, before being exhumed due to legal technicalities. “Like many of his family, Nelson’s never six feet under for long”, said James Horton, a lawyer who specialises in premature death. “But he’s the only one who joins in the singing at all of his funerals.”

Horton has pledged to keep ‘digging the dirt’, and won’t rest until his client is proved to be immortal. But Nelson’s Grandson, Mandla, wants to see him back in his homestead, where he could play a very real part in building the foundations for a lasting memorial.

“Nelson, and his pledge to leave his legacy to a cats’ home, should be buried again before he says anything stupid”, said Mandla. “While I support his ideals of black, white and black and white cats living together in harmony, it was going to cost me a fortune to cancel the pall bearers and grave diggers at this late stage.”

Nelson’s daughter Makaziwe finds the whole dispute rather distasteful. “This unseemly row isn’t what my father would have wanted at all”, she claimed. “He’d be turning in his grave, if we hadn’t sedated him.”

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