Tag Archives: britain first

Britain First even fails to become a banned organisation

britaynfirts

It’s a telephone Paul. Just say “Hello, this is Paul.”

Morons-on-a-mission, Britain First are seemingly so useless they’ve even failed to come to the attention of Amber Rudd and get themselves banned.

The knuckle-dragging f**kwit ‘party’ has been asking for funds for some days, on the premise they were about to be banned and needed cash for their legal appeal. With Poppy Season over, Biffer Central is on the lookout for alternative scams, Continue reading

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Filed under Law and Order, News, Politics

Brexit voter literally up shit creek after failing to find Polish plumber

fat edl memberGavin Mitchell says he doesn’t regret his Brexit vote even though a river of shit is running from his bathroom to the living room.

“Actually I’m proud of this river of shit” said the Britain First member. “It’s a symbol of how patriots like me stood up to those Eastern Europeans who were taking the piss, and, as it happens, taking the shit.”

Mitchell said living in a rapidly growing torrent of excrement was a small price to pay for taking back control of Britain’s drains and sewers.
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Filed under Brexit

Britain First member confused why he still has no job or girlfriend after Brexit

'An orderly queue please, no pushing'

‘An orderly queue please, no pushing’

A few months after Brexit, Britain First member Gavin Mitchell is still patiently waiting for the job and girlfriend that must surely come now the UK is an immigrant-free paradise.

“To be honest, I’m a bit baffled why I’m still unemployed now we’ve given the heave-ho to those foreigners who’ve stolen our jobs. But I guess it takes a bit of time to sack those foreign doctors, and I’ll get the call up to replace them as soon as the paperwork is completed” said Mr Mitchell.
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Filed under EU referendum

Potatoes could cause high blood pressure, says science: Ban these evil immigrants, says Britain First

Delicious, harmful or muslamic?

Pond scum in shit jumpers, Britain First, are grunting for potatoes to be deported following the publication of a study in the BMJ which has identified frequently eating potatoes with hypertension.

 

“I didn’t read no study,” said Paul Golding, leader of Britain First. “But I heard someone saying something in the pub about potatoes being bad for you or something and so it’s time we took our country back from these immigrant brown-skinned evil-doers what are undermining our way of life by forcing innocent Britons to get all fat and ill and that.”
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Britain First dismiss Shaker Aamer’s rebuke to terrorists: “Ten years too late”.

aamersmall

Howdy

Shaker Aamerhas has told extremists to “get the hell out” of the UK and denounced Islamist attacks, but Britain First dismissed this as ‘bollocks’, calling for him to swear loyalty to the Queen, the United Kingdom and the Church of England.

Aamer had been held in captivity for 14 years, in the US government’s fight against people who, if given half a chance, would strip US citizens of their right to a fair trial.

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Filed under News, Religion

Man has guilty Britain First thought

Gutter poppyA local man admitted the French terror attacks caused him to have Britain First thoughts, which even a cold shower and pizza wouldn’t shake.

In what was probably a common reaction throughout the UK, Harold café owner Dominic Delaney said the horrific nature of the Jihadist attacks made him feel angry and powerless, and his immediate reaction was that Muslims be banned from entering Britain.”
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Britain First convinced al-Murray is a Muslim

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Far-right Facebook memers Britain First have called upon their members in South Thanet to vote for Nigel Farage and not “that muslim fella, al-Murray”.

“First Al-Qaeda, then al-Zawahiri, and now al-Murray, they’re taking the piss” Britain First’s chief bigot Paul Goulding said.
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Filed under News, Politics

Disappointing friends still sharing Britain First posts

Sad poppy, slumped in despair, yesterday

Stupid friends you have on Facebook are persisting in sharing Britain First’s posts, despite it being obvious that the organisation is a bunch of Nazi fuckwits, it emerged today. The arrival of remembrance season has made your less intelligent acquaintances even more tiresome than usual, with many happy to share a photo of Hitler provided it has a poppy and a starving dog in the picture.

Hopes had been high that even the most disappointing of your friends would have realised by now that sharing these posts is the online equivalent of wearing your own faeces as a hat, but sadly the penny seems yet to drop.
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Filed under Politics, Social media

Britain First boycott reading.

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Britain First leaders organising their now famous ‘library invasions’

Far­-right Facebook picture sharers Britain First have called on their supporters to boycott reading after some words were written about them that were critical and questioned their practices.

The group, which is a splinter group of the BNP set up by disgruntled party members, made the call to action following their boycott of The Sun for criticising their use of Lynda Bellingham’s death to garner support and on the Daily Mail for being too socialist and left wing.

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Filed under News, Society