Britain First member Gavin Mitchell is still patiently waiting for the job and girlfriend that must surely come now the UK is an immigrant-free paradise after leaving the EU.
“To be honest, I’m a bit baffled why I’m still unemployed now we’ve given the heave-ho to those foreigners who’ve stolen our jobs. But I guess it takes a bit of time to sack those foreign doctors, and I’ll get the call up to replace them as soon as the paperwork is completed” said Mr Mitchell.
“And obviously, as we speak, the girls will be lining up to date a true warrior of independence like myself, but maybe they’ve got the wrong address? They might be at number 43 by mistake, which would be pretty bloody ironic as I’m sure the ‘gentlemen’ who lives there is a Muslim, or, at the very least, a bit different.”
Gavin said he wasn’t one to just sit around idly doing nothing, so he’d bought a few extra Union Jacks to display on his house so all the people with job offers, and all the potential girlfriends, could form an orderly queue and he’d go out and take his pick.
“I might erect a roped-off queuing area like they have in nightclubs, and arrange for a couple of bouncers to police it” said Mr Mitchell.