Hiding a secret addiction to the 110m hurdles
Up to a third of drug addicts have taken athletics at some point in their careers, according to information obtained by the Sunday Times.
The shocking revelations claim that the athletics range from some relatively harmless recreational jogging, right up to more hard-core activities such as triathlons and marathons. Continue reading
Definitely on something.
Officials at the Harold World Dwile Flonking Association have voted unanimously for drugs.
In a competitive sports environment dominated by corruption and cheating, Dwile Flonking has struggled for media attention compared with other daft sports, such as running.
But while some expressed concerns for the safety of competitors, the committee came to the conclusion that pharmaceuticals would make dwile flonking ‘funnier’.
“Whether it’s hayfever tablets or hippy crack, you’d better be on something”, said Head of Flonking, Phil Evans. “The doctor will shine a special torch in your face and if he’s not convinced, we’ll give you something from this bag.”
Russian athlete, Yelena Isinbayeva, has created more controversy at the World Championships claiming that the assassination of state enemies on foreign soil is just part of Russian culture, and the rest of the world should just accept it.
“The use of polonium-2-10 to administer radiation directly into a person via a hot drink is just the way we deal with things in Russia” Ms Isinbayeva tols reporters. “If the person happens to be in another country, then so be it, but our traditions should be respected.”