Eerie reminder to be careful what you wish for; Gordon Brown has issued a dire warning aimed at those intending to vote for Scotland to become independent. Speaking at an event in support of the Better Together campaign the former Prime Minister announced that in an independent Scotland it will always be winter but never Christmas. He also claimed that inequality and poverty could “survive until doomsday”. Continue reading
Tag Archives: 2014 referendum
With less than a month to go until the independence referendum both sides are causing confusion by deploying BBC Scotland’s Mrs Brown’s Boys as their latest campaign weapon.
While the No side say that an independent Scotland would result in BBC Scotland being much smaller and having no money to produce shows such as Mrs Brown’s Boys and Waterloo Road the Yes side are saying exactly the same thing. Continue reading
As the referendum gets closer a new poll has revealed a surprise swing in voter intention. A poll carried out for the Evening Harold by ICM shows that 67% of Scots are intending to vote for independence from England but would welcome joining Westeros as Eighth Kingdom.
“Scotland is small,” said one voter who was polled. “Once independent we will need allies and trade. It would also be nice to wear cloaks in the winter and not be laughed at.”
With just four months until the referendum Scotland has been warned of a new consequence of independence: Tony Blair.
“The Yes campaigners are constantly bigging up famous and influential Scots,” said Better Together spokesperson Lydia Tanner. “Well, if Scotland becomes independent it will be responsible for arguably the most influential Scot of them all and must embrace Tony Blair as one of its own.” Continue reading
In a truly apocalyptic speech given in the United States former defence secretary and Nato chief Lord Robertson claimed that Voldemort would rise again if Scotland becomes independent. Citing “forces of darkness” and “cataclysmic” effects Lord Robertson warned that life as we know it would end if the union between England and Scotland is rent asunder. Continue reading
With just over six months to go until the independence referendum England has made a permanent declaration of love by getting a Saltire tattoo.
“This proves just how much I love Scotland,” said England. “But I had it done on the Yorkshire Dales so if I need to cover it up for work I can.”
SNP leader and pro-independence campaigner Alex Salmond reacted furiously to suggestions from Tory, Labour, and Lib-Dem leaders that Scots will no longer be able to hate the English if the Scots vote ‘yes’ to independence. This is a crucial issue as the ‘currency of hate’ of the English is considered the glue that binds Scottish people together.
“It’s blatant scaremongering – they are bluffing” thundered Salmond. “Even though we will no longer be able to hate the English because we are ruled by the Tory b*stards, we can hate them for plenty of other reasons. We can hate them for their crooked bankers, aggressive warmongering, and David Bowie. We can hate them for warm beer, bowler hats, and Alistair Carmichael. And we can still hate David Cameron for his slimy false promises and huge shiny forehead.”