Tag Archives: Voldemort

‘David Furnishings’ homeware website mysteriously offline


Complete mystery

‘David Furnishings’, Littlehampton’s premier homeware and soft fabrics website, has mysteriously gone offline, it was reported today.

Customers had reported difficulties accessing the site over the last few days, and this morning it was completely inaccessible to any customers from the UK, although overseas browsers remained unaffected.

“It’s a disaster, to by honest,” explained proprietor Jeremy David, after whom the business is named. “It seems that only people abroad can see the site at all, and how many customers in Brisbane are going to want to buy a sofa cover from Littlehampton, even it is made from a soft but durable wool/polyester mix? Not many, I’ll tell you that.”

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“Scottish independence will bring Voldemort back” claims Lord Robertson


Is this what you want, Scotland? Well, is it?

In a truly apocalyptic speech given in the United States former defence secretary and Nato chief Lord Robertson claimed that Voldemort would rise again if Scotland becomes independent. Citing “forces of darkness” and “cataclysmic” effects Lord Robertson warned that life as we know it would end if the union between England and Scotland is rent asunder. Continue reading


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