After finally admitting he is a ‘one nation Tory’ and that he disagrees with the political leanings of his former bosses, the BBC have announced they are lining Jeremy Paxman up to present Top Gear.
“He is pretty much ready to go,” a spokesperson for the show said. “He’s right-wing, called Jeremy, and already has a sizeable amount of people that dislike him.
Presenter ‘basically a sausage and cardboard’
The BBC has again been forced to apologise for Top Gear, after it was revealed that Richard Hammond’s personality had been faked.
Hammond, a 4’9″ pile of crudely moulded spam, has been used by the show regularly to make up the number of oafs. But audiences weren’t explicitly told that he was a shaped heap of minced cheap cuts, a situation the BBC admitted was ‘regrettable’.
“When we agreed to Clarkson’s demands for a meat-based dwarf gollum, we didn’t think anyone would take it too seriously”, insisted BBC Apologizer Quentin Sharpes. “It’s pretty obvious it’s just made from hair gel and the eyes of a Slow Loris, topped off with a massively oversized watch.”
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