Brown, sticky and foul-smelling, Harold hopes to compete with Southend-on-Sea.
A meeting of the culture and amenities sub-committee in Harold has expressed disappointment over the village’s failure to win a coveted Blue Flag Award for the third year in a row.
The rejection email cited ‘poor water quality, a general lack of ice-cream kiosks, bucket-and-spade retailers and lifeboats. Oh, and not being located at the seaside.’
But, rather than just record ‘downhearted’ in the minutes, the committee used positive thinking and came up with a proposal to give Harold a better chance of getting a Blue Flag next year.
Cllr Ronnson claims the boat is ‘way cooler’ than palettes of sandbags.
Locals have reacted angrily to a new lifeboat station that has appeared in the village high street.
Although Harold has suffered from minor flooding in the past two years out of seven, opponents claim the lifeboat is an ‘inappropriate response’ in a community 160 miles from the sea.
Last winter, two basement ‘man caves’ and a home cinema were slightly damaged when the River Toksvig burst its banks. Images of a mildewed sofa and a sodden Star Wars poster will still be seared on the minds of our readers from those calamitous events.
Pop star Madonna was accused today of expecting the village of Harold to ‘roll out a red carpet and blast a 21-gun salute in her honour’.
The spat occurred after the 54-year-old self-publicist and her entourage arrived in a motorcade of black-windowed Range Rovers, demanding to see the fruits of the altruistic gesture she displayed during an accidental visit to Harold in 2006.
Harold’s Mayor, Rufus D Jackson, said that when Madonna had found herself in Harold after taking a wrong turning during the Confessions tour, she had been accosted by a fund-raiser for a Lifeboats flag day. Continue reading