Tag Archives: Madonna

Cruel nation reduced to laughing at old woman falling over


Venue has agreed to install a ramp

The UK has become a brutally sadistic society in which the height of entertainment is the desperate sight of an elderly lady falling over, it was revealed last night.

Millions of British citizens who would have claimed to be kind-hearted were openly mocking the misfortune of someone old enough to be their grandmother who did nothing more than stumble in unfamiliar surroundings.

Madonna, 94, a veteran of two world wars and the sole remaining person alive to have met Napoleon, had a fall at a youngsters’ ball last night, surrounded by a group of dancing people who seemed happy to pretend nothing had happened.

“It is sad, very sad,” despaired Albert Renfrew, Professor of Sociology at the University of Harold. “In a country where we ostensibly care for our old people, we are happy to laugh at Madonna falling on her arse like a sack of hammers.”

“If people in their nineties can’t strip down to their underwear, pretend to be culturally relevant and marry teenagers, then I don’t know what we’re coming to. Mind you, it was fucking hilarious, wasn’t it?”

A spokesperson from the charity Age Concern pointed out that cuts to the Winter Fuel Allowance were probably the reason that Madonna had taken to wearing a cape in the first place, and called on concerned citizens to send her their old blankets.

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Village Mayor blasts Madonna in lifeboat donation furore

MadonnaPop star Madonna was accused today of expecting the village of Harold to ‘roll out a red carpet and blast a 21-gun salute in her honour’.

The spat occurred after the 54-year-old self-publicist and her entourage arrived in a motorcade of black-windowed Range Rovers, demanding to see the fruits of the altruistic gesture she displayed during an accidental visit to Harold in 2006.

Harold’s Mayor, Rufus D Jackson, said that when Madonna had found herself in Harold after taking a wrong turning during the Confessions tour, she had been accosted by a fund-raiser for a Lifeboats flag day. Continue reading

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