Tag Archives: No

‘See? I told you we’d keep the pound’ brays Salmond

'Laugh? I almost ordered my euros.'

‘Laugh? I almost ordered my euros.’

Alex Salmond has welcomed the referendum ‘No’ vote, which vindicates his claim that Scotland would continue to use the pound as part of a currency union.

“As I said all along, we can now continue to use the currency indefinitely”, boasted the SNP leader. “But as a sign of goodwill, I’ll allow England to share it.”

In addition to winning the crucial Sterling argument, Salmond’s Scotland will also retain the right to carry on contributing to Britain’s debt.

What’s more, the NHS will continue to be poorly run in the country, a key pledge Salmond has stood by thoughout the campaign.
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Alex Salmond insists ‘we’re keeping the Paul McCartney’


Mr McCartney mulls the Kintyre.

Alex Salmond has responded to a letter signed by Mick Jagger and 200 other people you’ve heard of by insisting Scotland will keep the Paul McCartney.

With celebrities lining up to express an opinion on Scottish indepence from their tax havens, Alex Salmond revealed he had drugged Paul McCartney and now had him in his cellar.

“The Rolling Stones are smashing, I love the Rolling Stones”, said Salmond. “But at the same time I hate them and can’t wait to distance our proud nation from their Brown Sugar, Keith Richards and endearing lack of ability to maintain a basic rhythm.”
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