Tag Archives: Nepal

Nepal: Well done William, now could you bring over your rescue helicopter?

So, so happy

So, so happy

The suffering people of Nepal have shrugged off the impact of a massive earthquake by taking to the streets to celebrate the birth of a new Royal princess.

“It’s such good news for the British public,” said delighted Anchal Tursing, “they must be fed up of hearing about our misery. We really love the Royal Family and even if I hadn’t been forced into the streets by the earthquake I’d be out here celebrating wildly. It might be selfish, but I can’t help but wish the rest of my family had survived to enjoy this special day.” Continue reading

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‘We’re good for love and healing energy, now please send money’ explains Nepal


If it’s no trouble

The people of Nepal have explained that while they are very grateful for the thoughts and prayers of Facebook readers, now would be a really good time to send money as well.

Rivalry is growing intense between Christians, Buddhists and Pagans to send prayers, love and dreamcatchers  to the disaster area, but teams on the ground are adamant that food, tents and the funds to buy these are in much shorter supply.

“It’s true that money isn’t everything,” admitted Prime Minister Sushil Koirala. “Helicopters would also be particularly useful. The point we’re making is that we have heartfelt prayers up the wazoo, to be honest.”

“Same for yoga mantras, frankly. We do appreciate the chanting, but we’d be even more excited if you sent out search and rescue teams, maybe some food parcels.”


Again, we hate to be any trouble…


“My heart is breaking over Nepal. In a perfect world I’d be out there now helping,” lamented obese IT help-desk bloke Tony, 35. “I’ve been sitting here praying so hard every lunchtime, I’ve hardly had time to eat – for me, no personal sacrifice is too great.”

“Ironically I’ve saved loads of money through not going out to the pub at midday,” he continued. “I’m thinking of getting a new sofa.”

Upon hearing this, Koirala rolled his eyes only slightly before asking: “Could you at least send us the sofa?”

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Farage insists foreign aid ‘should put British earthquakes first’


UKIP would issue everyone in Kent with an emergency flag.

Nigel Farage has condemned ‘media bias’ for encouraging the government to give foreign aid to Nepal.

Britain has pledged £5 million to the earthquake-ravaged region, money that could be ‘better spent’ on a British earthquake, if one were to happen.

UKIP opposes spending on foreign aid, because its members don’t read the ‘World’ section of newspapers.

“By shamelessly reporting about foreign countries, the media is encouraging Britons to care. And that’s not something UKIP thinks we can afford to do”, said Farage.

“I don’t see Nepal giving money to people in Thurrock who may or may not be trapped in an avalanche”, he revealed. “And that can only be for one reason: they have a news blackout.”
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