Nepal: Well done William, now could you bring over your rescue helicopter?

So, so happy

The suffering people of Nepal have shrugged off the impact of a massive earthquake by taking to the streets to celebrate the birth of a new Royal princess.

“It’s such good news for the British public,” said delighted Anchal Tursing, “they must be fed up of hearing about our misery. We really love the Royal Family and even if I hadn’t been forced into the streets by the earthquake I’d be out here celebrating wildly. It might be selfish, but I can’t help but wish the rest of my family had survived to enjoy this special day.”

“I’ve had a dig around in the remains of my home and found some bunting,” she continued. “I’d been saving for a state visit from Dame Joanna Lumley.  I’d definitely put it up if I could find any buildings to hang it from.”

Meanwhile, Anshal’s former neighbour Kanta had a direct message for the Duke of Cambridge. “William,” she said, “When you have finished your 24 months paternity leave, please could you visit us with your rescue helicopter? I’ve a feeling that we will still need help once the euphoria of your fantastic news has worn off.”

[Ed: We would like to refute any impression that the media has ditched the tragic but now boring news from Nepal in favour of Kate & Will’s happy news. BBC 5Live regularly reports the latest death toll – just after the football results.]