The death of novelist Ruth Rendell has prompted a police investigation after a suggestion on Twitter that her death may the work of serial killer, following the recent death of her friend, bestselling author PD James.
“It sounds like an unlikely plot from one of their own novels, but it is true that our enquires were prompted by a social media report,” confirmed a uniformed police commissioner, whose only apparent qualification for his exalted position seemed to be an ability to panic in the face of a hostile press; and thus provide an object of scorn for the investigating officers.
“The killer is at large, but there is no need to panic, unless you are the author of character based crime fiction set in the UK with a quirky but well-meaning police inspector as the hero,” he continued. “We have placed a 24 hour guard on Colin Dexter, but only time will tell if he is destined to become the killer’s next victim.”
According to insiders, detectives are following several leads which, apart from some badly drawn characters, a wistful love story, and a few lines of substandard poetry, will eventually lead them nowhere over the course of the investigation.
Despite all the odds, officers are confident that they will eventually nail the murderer after someone has a miraculous piece of inspiration following a casual remark about the strength of their coffee, the price of fish or something equally bizarre.
The killer will get a life sentence; as will the public when the chief investigating officer becomes the subject of a long running TV series.