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George Osborne’s hair to headline Glastonbury

Noel Osborne

Osborne will perform tracks by The Ramones, Joy Division and Bob the Builder.

Chancellor George Osborne is hoping to boost his popularity, by taking his new ‘mod’ hair on the road and playing at Glastonbury.

Osborne, who now drops his aitches and calls the festival ‘Glasto’, has been remodelled into what politicians believe is ‘the average punter’.

“Plebs ‘n that, they don’ like airs n’ graces an’ all that”, explained Osborne. “So ar’ve decided to be meself, or at least be the meself that wouldn’t have been bullied quite so relentlessly at school.”
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