Tag Archives: leon brittan

by | February 8, 2016 · 7:00 am

Police inquiry concludes that they will stop investigating very rich, well-connected men

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If only more of them were like Officer Carey Mahoney

The police investigation into charges made against Leon Brittan was “unnecessary and unjustified due to the fact he was very wealthy and knew a lot of senior politicians”, a review has concluded.
Vowing that the police would learn from their mistakes the head of the Met, Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe, said that from now on “any man of a certain age facing a certain allegation will be ignored as long as he’s got a shedload of cash and is friends with Prince Charles/was friends with Maggie.” Continue reading →

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by | November 1, 2014 · 2:00 pm

Leon Brittan to chair historical child abuse Inquiry

Leon Brittan retraces his steps hunting for the missing dossier “I’m sure I walked down this road.”

Having almost run out of idiots willing to chair the government’s child abuse inquiry, Theresa May has called in a favour from a semi-retired politician; all-time Spitting Image favourite Leon Brittan, who agreed to take on the role.

“Everybody else we’d asked knew Leon to some extent.” mumbled the gaffe-prone Home Secretary, through the red shoes stuck in her mouth,

Brittan never liked this Spitting Image puppet

Brittan never liked this Spitting Image puppet

“So I’ve cut out the middle-women and gone to the one man who probably knows what happened to the dossier he was given when he had this job”.

“We do know the papers were shredded, moulded into a papier-mache dunce’s hat and then fed to a herd of Longhorn Highland Cattle. But after that the trail went strangely cold”.

“We’ve not given up hope of finding it though” added Mrs May “if we can just trawl through enough old bull-shit.”

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by | · 11:00 am

Theresa May’s organising of a piss up in a brewery enters its fourth year.

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Theresa May’s attempts to organise a piss up in a brewery has entered its four year, but still looks some way off actually happening.

The piss up was supposed to celebrate her party’s election success in 2010. “I didn’t want anything too complicated, just a few drinks in a place where drink would be readily available,” the prime minister explained.

However the apparently simple task got off to a bad start when May appointed Gordon Brown to arrange the party.
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