Theresa May’s attempts to organise a piss up in a brewery has entered its four year, but still looks some way off actually happening.
The piss up was supposed to celebrate her party’s election success in 2010. “I didn’t want anything too complicated, just a few drinks in a place where drink would be readily available,” the prime minister explained.
However the apparently simple task got off to a bad start when May appointed Gordon Brown to arrange the party.
“Being in the cabinet is a time consuming role, so I thought who better to arrange a party on my behalf than the man we just beat,” she explained.
“As the outgoing PM, his workload was considerably less so I thought he would have been able to put his heart and soul into it, but it turned out he wasn’t that keen.”
With Brown resigning from the party organiser role within a few weeks amid allegations he was trying to cover up the beer pumps to stop anyone finding out about the supply even though every one knew it was probably there, May was forced to look elsewhere.
“I had to chose someone to help organise this piss up in a brewery who knew a lot about alcohol, but to avoid controversy was anonymous.
“I know I have been criticised for my choice, but I stick by my reasoning that a member of Alcoholics Anonymous was the ideal person. It’s just a shame they had to step down for personal reasons, or therapy, or whatever it was.”
Four years and eight failed attempts on, May has admitted she is getting a bit fed up with the whole thing.
“My best hope now is that it takes so long to appoint anyone else to the role we would have lost the next election. And the whole thing would have been forgotten about.”
We did ask her to clarify we were still talking about a piss up in a brewery and not an inquiry into a pedophile ring in Westminster.
