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Leon Brittan to chair historical child abuse Inquiry

Leon Brittan retraces his steps hunting for the missing dossier “I’m sure I walked down this road.”

Having almost run out of idiots willing to chair the government’s child abuse inquiry, Theresa May has called in a favour from a semi-retired politician; all-time Spitting Image favourite Leon Brittan, who agreed to take on the role.

“Everybody else we’d asked knew Leon to some extent.” mumbled the gaffe-prone Home Secretary, through the red shoes stuck in her mouth,

Brittan never liked this Spitting Image puppet

Brittan never liked this Spitting Image puppet

“So I’ve cut out the middle-women and gone to the one man who probably knows what happened to the dossier he was given when he had this job”.

“We do know the papers were shredded, moulded into a papier-mache dunce’s hat and then fed to a herd of Longhorn Highland Cattle. But after that the trail went strangely cold”.

“We’ve not given up hope of finding it though” added Mrs May “if we can just trawl through enough old bull-shit.”

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