Potato ‘undressed me with his eyes’ claimed Jane Fondant.
There was much excitement in Harold today following local tramp John Horse’s lucky find of a solitary late-season King Edward in a field on the outskirts of the village.
“We had a long chat about the England back four,” said Horse, “and shared a couple of jokes about Rio Ferdinand before I realised I was dealing with an organism with far more intelligence than any English footballer. So I popped ’im in me pocket.”
Horse successfully fought off an imaginary mob of ‘bastard thieving scavengers’ clearly intent on snatching the precious vegetable from his grasp as he made his way along the central reservation of Chiggley Moor Lane, finally reaching the sanctuary of the Squirrel Licker’s Arms.
Recent news of a global wine shortage has caused a panic among the general population, with supermarkets reporting panic-buying of Blue Nun and cross-channel ferries to France fully booked with people desperately trying to stock up to beat the crisis.
But it doesn’t have to be like this. There are other ways to escape the crushing reality of your daily life without wine, and you don’t even have to resort to hallucinogenic drugs. A number of other alcoholic drinks, which are not in short supply, will complement your meals just as well as your favourite wine, and give you that same warm, fuzzy glow that helps you to forget how awful your job is. Harold’s favourite tramp, John Horse, takes you through some of the alternatives: Continue reading
Filed under Lifestyle, News
Straight from Mr Horse’s mouth
With news that Britain’s economy has surged a teeny, weeny amount, now’s as good a time as any to go and get a job.
With these ten red-hot tips under your skin from former businessman John Horse, that job’s as good as yours. What’s stopping you? Knock that boss dead!