Tag Archives: Hair

by | July 22, 2015 · 4:40 am

It’s all too scary: world decides to give up on news and focus on Kit Harington’s hair instead

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Could you just spoon with us and tell us that everything’s going to be all right?

As current events seem to more and more resemble the nastier bits of a Brueghel painting, the entire world has decided to give up, stick its head in the sand, and simply concentrate on Kit Harington’s hair from now on.

The actor’s tremendous locks are generating an increasing amount of headlines as everyone clings to news of its length and whereabouts as the only thing they can understand in these dark and confusing times. Continue reading →

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by | June 26, 2014 · 11:00 am

More would believe Rebekah Brooks to be innocent if she had less annoying hair

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Apparently the exact shade is called mendacity

Though declared not guilty on all counts by a jury many people are struggling to believe Rebekah Brook’s innocence. The reason given in every case is the same: her hair.

“I don’t like to judge by appearance,” said villager and head of Harold’s Neighbourhood Watch Janice Logan. ‘However there’s something about that woman’s hair that just rubs me up the wrong way. I’ve seen Brave, the girl in that had the same hair and she was a most violent and deceitful person.” Continue reading →

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by | January 7, 2014 · 7:00 am

‘We still need to make £25 worth of cuts’ warns George Osborne’s barber

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“We have come a long way, but the job is not yet half way done”. These were the words of George Osborne’s hairdresser yesterday when talking about the now famous ‘Austerity Cut’ he has been working on for the past few months.

“We have gone some way with this cut but will need to complete at least a further £25 worth of cuts to get things looking a little bit more respectable,” he continued.

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by | May 10, 2013 · 7:00 am

Boris Johnson’s popularity plummets as his hair goes solo

It's like seeing Darth Vader out of the suit, isn't it?

Bald men are typically up to 35% more evil

Boris Johnson’s personal approval ratings went into free fall yesterday when his hair announced that it is going solo. Since becoming MP for Henley in 2001, Johnson’s electoral success had mainly been credited to the fact that he looked like a golden retriever that had been groomed and blow-dried by a stoned and embittered conceptual artist who’d never known success. Now his hair has left him to pursue other projects revealing Johnson to be a middle-aged Eton, Oxford, Bullingdon Club toff.

“I don’t know much about politics,” said Harold resident and former Boris fan, Jane Hough. “I haven’t watched it since they sacked Angus Deayton but I always thought that Boris was better than other politicians because he had that mad hair and couldn’t do his jacket up on important occasions. It made him seem like one of us. Now the hair’s gone I’ve realised that he’s just another self-serving Tory.” Continue reading →

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