Tag Archives: Copenhagen Zoo

Texas outsource executions to Danish Zoo

Texas inmates kill some time en route to Denmark

Texas inmates kill some time en route to Denmark

The speed and efficiency with which Copenhagen Zoo euthanized a young giraffe while completely ignoring public protests to halt the execution has led to the Zoo winning the prestigious contract to execute Texas’s death row inmates.

Texas Governor Rick Perry announced the outsourcing move in a packed news conference at state capital Austin. “The Danes just got on with the job, no bleeding heart liberal pinko appeals was going to halt their show. If they managed to ignore a Facebook campaign with hundreds of thousands of likes, they ain’t likely gunna worry what a handful of Supreme Court Justices say” said Governor Perry.

“And ya gotta love their execution method – bolt to the head, chopped into little pieces, and then fed to the lions, yea baby! I’d love to see how those ambulance chasing lawyers will argue the miscreants are suffering too long now!”
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Filed under International News, Law and Order

Giraffe dead, now Danish children ‘forced to maim otters with hammers’


Sweet dreams, kiddies!!!

In its latest public relations triumph, Denmark is to give all its schoolchildren the opportunity to maim and slaughter healthy rare animals in the nation’s zoos.

Following the popular move to kill Marius the giraffe yesterday and cut him up in front of an audience of retching kids, Copenhagen Zoo’s science director and blood-crazed psychopath Bengt Holst now insists the orgy of slaughter must continue.

“Yes, there were alternative zoos across Europe keen to take this healthy animal,” conceded Holst, “But what they do not understand is that I MUST KILL KILL KILL, RIP DEAD GUTS AND SPLINTER BONES IN MY TEETH. That’s the very valid point that they’re missing.” Continue reading


Filed under Nature, Vikings