Have you seen these people? They may no longer be wearing the wigs. And definitely won’t be smiling.
Metropolitan Police have issued a public appeal for information as they search for thousands of Manchester United fans who appear to have gone missing since Sunday afternoon.
The appeal comes after vast numbers of fans described as “generally sociable and outspoken” abruptly stopped replying to any form of contact from around 4.01pm yesterday. Continue reading
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invited onto every single, bloody politics programme
UKIP’s MP Douglas Carswell says it’s time his party had a fresh face as leader.
“I’ve no-one particularly in mind” said Mr Carswell “but wouldn’t it be sensible for it to be one of our MPs? Someone who commands the confidence of the whole parliamentary party and gives an optimistic message for the future?”
Party leader Nigel Farage says he is unperturbed by implied criticism of his leadership style and that anyone who would rat-out their party and defect to a one-song choir like UKIP Continue reading
I’m letting you go…
In a move which has seemed inevitable for some time, Chelsea Football Club were last night finally sacked by manager Jose Mourinho.
Chelsea have been struggling this season, but given their pedigree it still came as a shock to many to see them let go. However, in recent weeks, it seems that the dressing room had completely lost the goodwill of the manager, which could only lead to them moving on.
In what some are calling the coup of the century, it is believed that Manchester United are preparing an audacious bid for the unemployed Chelsea team, as they currently don’t have one.
Mourinho issued a brief statement, thanking Chelsea for their contribution since he returned as manager, “but results have not been good enough this season, and we believe it is in the interests of both parties to go our separate ways.”
“I wish to make clear that Chelsea leave me on good terms, and will always be welcome to visit me at my villa in the Algarve.”
It is understood that as part of the severance package, Mourinho will allow Chelsea to continue to pay him until the end of the season.
A few commentators have noticed that it is more usually the club which sacks the manager, rather than the other way round, suggesting that no matter how special Mourinho might be, he will have trouble winning games without any players.
Others pointed out that it will be highly enjoyable to see the former Chelsea boss standing on the touchline alone, angrily blaming referees as the other team scores goal after goal completed unopposed.
In other words, business as usual, was the general opinion.
* Thanks to Alan Usher for the Man Utd line!
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Terry is said to be unhappy with UKIP taken all the glory for his racists
Chelsea captain, occasional racist and former stealer of his team mates’ girlfriends and Champions League glory John Terry has spoken out at his dismay after UKIP appear to have taken a story about some racist Chelsea fans on a train and make it all about them.
“Why can’t we be allowed to have our racists splashed all over the papers without UKIP trying to get in on the act,” Terry explained. Continue reading
“Spare change? Sorry mate, no.”
Chelsea fans have called for the sacking of Roman Abramovich, after a string of poor performances in the Sunday Times UK Super-Rich list.
“It’s got harder holding our heads high at the Bridge, since he dropped down the ‘How much?’ rankings,” complained fan Roger Brendan. Continue reading
QPR buy a safe pair of hands for Robert Green
The first few days of the new transplant window has seen numerous deals.
As expected, Premier League aspirants Queens Park Rangers have gone to the market for a safe pair of hands for Robert Green, and Peter Schmeichel’s large mitts have been secured for a 7 figure sum. Robert Green welcomed the news of the record transplant saying: “It won’t change me one bit, well apart from the fact that I’ll now be able to catch the ball of course.”
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In a major U-turn, Football Association chief David Bernstein has agreed that Margaret Thatcher will be honoured with a minute’s violence at this weekend’s FA Cup semi-finals at Wembley Stadium. The fact that both matches are North – South encounters only adds to their poignancy.
Chelsea hard man John Terry welcomed the chance to honour Thatcher, and said he hoped to do a two-footed challenge on Manchester City’s James Milner.
“There are no guarantees, but if I get the timing right, I could end his career” said Terry. “Another Northerner on the scrapheap would be just what Maggie wanted.”
“If I can steal milk from a small child at half-time, it will be even better.”
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