by Perks |
December 30, 2014 · 1:00 pm
Network Rail chief executive Mark Carne has turned down his £34,000 bonus which was due to be paid to him in the form of a season ticket for his daily commute.
“We had agreed that as the £34,000 was the equivalent of my season ticket between home and the three stops to work, I would just receive a free season ticket” he explained.
“That didn’t include drinks, food or any level of customer service but I could have stretched to a cup of tea and egg mayo sandwich out of my £675,000 salary. Not every day though, maybe just once a month.”
He has made the decision because of the overrunning engineering works that have caused havoc around the country’s rail network.
“I have to take responsibility for ruining the Christmas season for many passengers, and that’s why I have turned the ticket down.” He continued.
“That, and I couldn’t use it anyway. Have you tried catching a train recently? No bloody chance.”
by Perks |
October 18, 2014 · 2:24 pm
NHS England has announced it is to reinvent itself as a bank in order to secure the levels of government funding it needs to provide adequate healthcare and properly paid staff by means of a multibillion pound bailout.
The news comes on the back of strikes by nursing staff who have had their pay frozen, and as NHS England report it could have a funding shortfall of £2bn.
“We have made savings of nearly £20bn” it said in a statement, “but are currently unable to afford some treatment for illnesses such as cancer, heart disease or MPs’ memory loss.
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by Perks |
January 15, 2014 · 1:00 pm
George Osborne has tackled Labour’s ‘cost of living’ argument straight on today but refusing to limit bankers’ bonuses, allowing them to continue to live to a standard they have become accustomed.
“I am not as out of touch as Labour would have you believe,” Osborne told a press conference.
“I am well aware that rising energy prices are making it difficult for people to heat their homes, especially when those homes include an eight-bedroom country manor and a Central London apartment.
“With fuel prices rising, we don’t want ordinary, hard-working people giving up their jobs because they simply cannot afford to get to work, and aviation fuel is almost as expensive per litre than some of the finest champagnes.”
The chancellor has been criticised for not capping the bonuses. Critics claim a million pound salary should be enough without another million pound on top.
But Osborne insists any cost of living crisis could be solved by letting bankers be rewarded for gambling.
“The larger the bonus given to my friends, the more I have to defend it,” Osborne continued, “and that should create enough hot air to heat the whole country.”
by Perks |
August 3, 2013 · 10:00 am
Harold’s long term postman, Jack Thornley, has announced he is to return £120 he earned last year from Royal Mail customers’ birthday cards.
The figure is a ‘posties bonus’ that is earned on top of their annual salary and is paid to reward employees who take the time to not only shake for coins, but also have the foresight to delve further in to the cards on the hunt for high value paper.
His offer to pay the money back to the intended recipients comes on the back of the decision by Royal Mail chief executive Moya Greene to pay back £120,000 she received towards the cost of a new house. This was on top of her nearly £500,000-a-year salary and other bonuses which all total £1.47m.
“I realise that in times of austerity it is wrong that I should continue to accept the money sent to villagers in birthday cards” Mr Thornley said. “If our chief executive can take moral stance on bonuses she shouldn’t be really have been paid in the first place, then so can I.”
Although the move has been welcomed by the village’s residents, it has been condemned by the Communication Workers Union.
“We have spent many years and numerous strikes trying to uphold our members pay and conditions” a spokesman for the CWU told us.
“The ‘finders keepers’ clause has been around since 1934 and Mr Thornley’s actions are an insult to all those posties that got arrested for theft, fighting for the right to intercept customers’ gifts”
Mr Thornley’s moral crusade will start next week when he will begin redistributing his gains, but he has warned his customers not to expect a lot.
“The total I earned from cards last year was actually £585 and an Ann Summers gift card, but as the cash element of the bonus has already been spent, I shall only be returning the named cheques I couldn’t cash in.”