Tag Archives: bombing

Rousing bombing display by Red Arrows heals parliamentary rift

red arrows

Oooh! Aaaah! Aaaargh!

The first sortie against Daesh forces in Syria has been applauded across all parties, after it was completed by the Red Arrows streaming patriotic smoke.

The world-famous display team drew croweds of admirers, before accidentally killing a family of seven while flying in the diamond formation.

But the survivors really enjoyed the bit where they flew at each other and swerved at the last minute; “My mum would have loved that”, gasped one survivor, “if she hadn’t been blown up a few seconds earlier.”
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100% of Syrians vote to be not bombed

imageThe people of Syria have voted emphatically not to be massacred in a bloodthirsty bombing campaign, it was announced this morning.

Rather than restrict the vote to members of parliament, it was felt that the actual people who would be dying in the rubble ought to also have a say. Turnout was high, at 100%.

The referendum asked the simple question: “Do you want to be massacred by an ill-conceived show of Western indiscriminate aggression? (Yes or No).”

Voting seems to have been remarkably consistent across the sexes and age groups, with 100% of women under 30 voting “NO”, exactly the same figure as men over 80, children under 13, and indeed absolutely everybody else.

“It’s as if they didn’t want to be killed by bombing,” complained UK Prime Minister David Cameron today. “If you ask me, these results seem very suspicious – I find it hard to believe that no-one wanted to die in a mangled heap of concrete and metal. Really, Syria? No-one?”

Others criticised the Syrians for their naive grasp of defense policy, questioning whether the population had really thought this through from a global perspective.

“This decision is selfish in the extreme,” insisted Geoffrey Sang, spokesman for UK arms company BAE Systems. “If these people had any consideration whatsoever of my kitchen extension plans, they would have voted very differently. Well, on their own heads be it. Or not, annoyingly.”

A spokesperson for the “NO” campaign expressed little surprise at the outcome, saying: “We don’t want to die. It’s pretty simple. Death, no thanks. Dying, not any. Do you get it yet?”

“We’re pretty sure that this will now be the end of the matter – we’ve decided and that’s that.”

“You’d have to be a bit of a cunt to bomb us anyway, wouldn’t you?”

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RAF leaflet campaign targets customer feedback


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Revealed: How Obama solved the Iraq bombing dilemma

Obama 2It has emerged that President Obama follows a simple decision chart when tacking tough diplomatic issues in potential areas of conflict.

Unlike previous presidents like Ronald Regan, who asked his wife’s astrologist, or Bill Clinton, who consulted whoever he was sleeping with at the time, Obama has modelled his chart on the past thirty years of US foreign involvement. Continue reading

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