Category Archives: Uncategorized

Weekly Round Up. Ron Ronsson’s Ford Escort wins Easter bonnet competition

Some local news and notices you may have missed in the past week.

For the third year running, Ron Ronsson’s gleaming 1987 Ford Escort won the Easter bonnet competition. A delighted Mr Ronsson said ‘I’m pleased to say that my pride and joy is still in full working order. It gets a polish every single day.’

There was a strong interest in the Good Friday flagellation classes led by Brenda Ferguson. After the class, there was a whip around for village hall funds.

Come back Duck No. 9…

The Bank Holiday Duck Race on the River Gluggle was abandoned after half the ducks refused to allow villagers to attach numbers to them. The remainder of the ducks flew away to a neighbouring pond. ‘Next time,’ said Emilie Bourdain, who supplied the ducks, ‘I’m going to use geese. They’re far more reliable.’

PC Anita Flegg would like to remind people that dog fouling on Harold’s pavements will not be tolerated. “The police take a very dim view of anyone who hacks a spaniel down from behind, particularly when they’re not on the ball”, said Flegg.

The council will hold a public consultation on refuse collections this Wednesday, in the back of Cllr Commerbund’s camper van. Proposals include the reintroduction of stocks on the village green for anyone putting food waste in their recycling, and the compulsory use of winter tyres on wheelie bins.

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Filed under Around Harold, News, Uncategorized

Local regrets shedding light on boy ‘raised by moths’

mothboy

Moth-erless Children

A nocturnal boy discovered in the woods outside Harold may have been ‘raised by moths’.

A group of naturalists had set out to record the night-time insects of Harold, but were shocked when their powerful lamps attracted a jittery youth with a face smeared in nectar.

“We’d set up nets, motion-sensing cameras and switched the big light on”, explained Gerladine Forster, who heads the local wildlife trust.

“There was a commotion behind us; snapping twigs, a rush of air, followed by what sounded eerily like a child muttering ‘flapflapflapflapflap’.
Read more…

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Filed under International News, Lifestyle, News, Uncategorized

Man granted restraining order against Button, McIlroy and Ennis

Button (left), Ennis (right), the other one (centre)

Button (left), Ennis (right), the other one (centre)

A judge has issued a restraining order banning sports stars Jenson Button, Rory McIlroy and Jessica Ennis from coming within 100 yards of Harold resident David Smith, after he complained of them following him around offering unsolicited financial advice.

Smith has reported a number of incidents over recent weeks ranging from Ennis following him while out jogging, to a more serious case where McIlroy broke into his house at night extolling the virtues of cash ISAs. Continue reading

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Filed under News, Sport, Uncategorized

Front Page 12 May 2013

front page 130526

And you thought we were just a made-up paper.

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by | February 1, 2013 · 12:17 am

Released Huhne doesn’t think ‘new image’ will prevent a return to public life

huhne release

Problem?

If you like it, we’d love you to share it.

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by | February 1, 2013 · 12:15 am

The Queen’s Peach

It's not all about Fergie.

It’s not all about Fergie.

If you like it, we’d love you to share it.

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by | February 1, 2013 · 12:00 am