Button (left), Ennis (right), the other one (centre)
A judge has issued a restraining order banning sports stars Jenson Button, Rory McIlroy and Jessica Ennis from coming within 100 yards of Harold resident David Smith, after he complained of them following him around offering unsolicited financial advice.
Smith has reported a number of incidents over recent weeks ranging from Ennis following him while out jogging, to a more serious case where McIlroy broke into his house at night extolling the virtues of cash ISAs.
“If you’d have told me a few months ago that I’d be seeking a restraining order against Jessica Ennis I would have thought that you were mad.” said Smith,
“After the Olympics I was inspired to take up running, and I’ll admit that I did have a few fantasies about bumping into her while out for a jog. They didn’t generally end with her recommending a credit card though.”
“I thought it was a bit odd the first time it happened but it didn’t worry me too much. Then later that night I went to get a snack from the fridge and Rory McIlroy was in my kitchen.”
“He started talking about financial products in an unnatural, monotonous voice that made me worry he’d suffered some sort of major head injury. I drove him to the hospital to get checked over and he kept going on about ISAs for the entire journey.”
As well as the invasion of privacy and the breaking and entering, Smith has also raised concerns that the stars may not be offering impartial advice.
“Everything they recommended came from Santander. I was hanging my washing in the garden and Jenson Button started asking me about mortgages and saying that they had some great rates at the moment.” explained the harassed resident,
“When I told him that I was quite happy with my Halifax mortgage he threw my freshly washed sheets on the floor, stamped on them a bit and stormed off.”
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