Tag Archives: adoption

Working class girls urged to ‘adopt an endangered toff’

harry charity

One day, this nob could be released back into the wild

Britain’s working classes are being encouraged to ‘do their bit for the struggling posh’, especially self-loathing toffs who crave a meaningless life of drudgery and filth.

With poshness now less welcome than leprosy in many UK homes, campaigners fear that the class system is becoming dangerously heavy-bottomed.

“Its rare to see someone in red trousers braying in a public place these days”, explained Margaret Hounslow of the charity ‘Snob It Out’. “They’re hunted ruthlessly for their thick skins, massive teeth and tiny chins.”
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Filed under Culture, Lifestyle, Politics

Local regrets shedding light on boy ‘raised by moths’

mothboy

Moth-erless Children

A nocturnal boy discovered in the woods outside Harold may have been ‘raised by moths’.

A group of naturalists had set out to record the night-time insects of Harold, but were shocked when their powerful lamps attracted a jittery youth with a face smeared in nectar.

“We’d set up nets, motion-sensing cameras and switched the big light on”, explained Gerladine Forster, who heads the local wildlife trust.

“There was a commotion behind us; snapping twigs, a rush of air, followed by what sounded eerily like a child muttering ‘flapflapflapflapflap’.
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Filed under International News, Lifestyle, News, Uncategorized