Public beg Tories to stop wearing Hi Vis vests


We’d feel less patronised if they wore robes and laurel wreaths

The UK has united to plead with the government to stop arsing around in Hi Vis vests and pointing at things.

“It’s just horrible,” said local mechanic Sean Pavey. “They look far too excited doing it because for them it’s literally playing fancy dress, isn’t it? George Osborne in particular gives off a horrible whiff of ‘Cor, I’m being one of the lads’ before cutting training and apprenticeships so real lads, and girls, have less and less of a chance of actually doing the jobs that require safety clothes.”


“He is, essentially, a bouncy castle with Alzheimer’s” – Frankie Boyle

“When did any of these people ever genuinely find themselves in a tough or unsafe environment?” pondered nurse Ærndís Vigfusson. “Never, we know it, they know it, so why do they rush into luminous kit at the drop of a hat? These visits are so orchestrated they’re at more risk sat at their desks which I’m guessing they manage to do without putting on their little glowing outfits and cosplaying.”


There’s a high probability that we’ll never tire of using this one.

A Number Ten insider told us that there was little chance that the public would be heeded on this issue particularly if there’s more flooding as “Dave especially loves putting on wellies, fleece and a Hi Vis and doing ‘concern face’ at Northerners.”

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