“No, they all taste like that. Don’t worry.”
Serial tax-system-rapists, Starbucks will open a store in Milan next year, says CEO Toby Green. “We open in Milan, then further stores will be rolled out across the country. Think of waves of Sherman tanks in 1943.”
“Basically, we’ll f%ck the Italian treasury up the a%se from Sicily to the Swiss border, with Rohypnol-laced champagne cocktail parties and our tried-and-trusted off-shore profits, on-shore losses tax strategy. It worked like a dream in the UK. Well, we told them it was a dream.”
Once the whole country has been impoverished, the Starbucks outreach team will return to Milan. “Italian culture gave us espresso, Ferraris and more recently, multi-million dollar compensation packages.” says Green “and we want to demonstrate our respect for that culture and tradition.”
“So when we get back to Milan we’ll be hanging their Finance Minister from a lamp-post in the Piazzale Loreto.”
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