Alan Sugar suddenly remembers he’s a capitalist

alan sugar

Sir Alan embraces his first love.

Ruthless capitalist and renowned heartless bastard Alan Sugar has just realised he shouldn’t be in the Labour party.

“I don’t really make anything these days, I just rely on my assets to generate money’, said the ex-Labour peer. “Which is why I have so much more in common with the SNP.”

Sugar is best known for surrounding himself with idiots and then firing them one-by-one: a management model much admired by UKIP.

He is one of Britain’s greenest entrepreneurs, with fewer than 5% of his products being switched on by customers, after the first twenty minutes of ownership.

Alan has made a tentative approach to the Conservative party, but they slammed the door when he dropped one of his aitches.

“It was stupid, really”, admitted Sir Alan. “I just pretended to be Labour so the kids would think I’m cool. And also so they’d give me a job on the BBC.”

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