Visiting a sweatshop on the outskirts of Beijing, the second in line to the throne inspected a new range of plates, tea towels, and baby lizard toys that should be ready in time for the birth of his second child.
Speaking at the sweatshop, wearing a high visibility protective line of bodyguards, the Duke of Cambridge commended the employees on their work ethic.
“I’m grateful these workers are putting in 18 hour days in appalling conditions just to put my wife’s face on a plate” the prince said. “George had only just starting walking at their age”
Inevitably William was asked how he feels that kids are sent hundreds of miles from their parents, left entirely at the mercy of strange adults and a weird regime.
“It’s fantastic!” he responded enthusiastically. “It’s like a really cheap Eton. How enterprising.
“In principle I don’t agree with parents hitting their child, which is why it’s great here that in a sweatshop you can let someone else do it. It’s like outsourcing, which the Chinese do so well.
“Putting on my photogenic serious face for one moment though, obviously I can’t ignore the fact that the dangerous chemicals these kids are exposed to will stunt their IQ. They should be grateful, in my family they’d be intellectual giants what with the inbreeding and all.”
William finished his tour with a photo opportunity to receive a gift from the child labourers at the factory; a small teddy bear for George.
He accepted the gift telling the young child it was “a lovely thought, but no child of mine is having this cheap shit. Now get back to work before I send my Grandfather over.”