A new computer game that allows players to re-enact Israel’s invasion of the Gaza Strip is far too easy, according to critics.
“I had a rocket launcher, three machine guns and a 23 tonne bulldozer in my inventory, and all the game put up against me was an orphan in a shack with a food bowl. Frankly, I thought it was a bit shit”, said gamer Ariel Chutzpah.
“I started to feel a bit sorry for her, but then I remembered to activate my ‘Call from God’. It was a piece of piss to deal with her then.”
Chutzpah thinks that the game is just too one-sided, and made him feel bad about killing dozens of innocents. He wants to see a patch released that would give Palestinians a chance, or at least dehumanise them a bit more.
“At one point, someone fired a rocket at me and it could have damaged my health, had there not been a 5 minute warning to wander over to a bomb shelter”, revealed Chutzpah.
“But as I sat there in the dark drinking coke and eating crisps, there was the sound of a helicopter and 53 seconds of sustained gun fire. All that was left for me to do was pat down the bodies looking for ammo and power-ups and plant some incriminating evidence.”
The game does at least feature a terrifying end-of-level boss, in the shape of peace envoy Tony Blair. “He’s almost impossible to beat and clearly mad as hell”, claimed Chutzpah. “But it might have been more of a challenge if the programmers hadn’t put him on our side.”