Nick Clegg claims silent iPhone ‘must have been hijacked’


Did it just ring? No? Must have been crickets.

Nick Clegg has claimed his mobile has been hijacked by hackers, after it failed to ring for the fifth consecutive day.

Despite there being no ransom message or changes to the basic functions of Clegg’s iPhone, no-one has contacted him for nearly 120 hours.

‘There’s definitely something wrong with it’, revealed Clegg, as he checked his voicemail again. ‘I’m sure Vince Cable would have called by now to tell me I’m doing a good job.’

‘And there should definitely be some text messages from all my ex-MEPs, thanking me for my hard work, dedication and support.’

Clegg has tried making a handful of outgoing calls, but told us that this wasn’t working either.

‘I’ve phoned David Cameron and my constituency office and it doesn’t seem to connect’, he explained. ‘It rings for ages, then there’s a click and I’m cut off.’

‘Although when I called Charles Kennedy for a bit of support, I’m sure I heard somebody mumble ‘p**s off’.’

Clegg has sent his device back to Apple, after receiving a letter from them and a pre-paid jiffy bag. ‘It’s a brilliant service, I hadn’t even told them I was having this problem’, he revealed. ‘I did what the note said, I immediately stopped using my iPhone in public and I’ve promised not to take any selfies.’

‘Apparently they don’t like their devices being paired with fourth-party tools.’

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