What’s for dinner?
A new breed of genetically modified chickens has been hailed a success by its developer, Harold farmer Lionel Garage.
“The new chicken type is featherless from birth,” Mr Garage told the Evening Harold, “pre-basted and also comes with the all-important leg elastic as a built-in feature.”
Farmer Garage claims the new design will result in increased profitability for chicken producers, saving them much of the cost of traditional posthumous poultry processing.
“Standard-type chickens require labour-intensive after-death attention,” he said, “and I’m frankly sick off forking out so much plucking cash. And you wouldn’t believe how long it takes to get that elastic band round its back legs.”
The new all-natural elastic band is actually part of the chicken’s leg, growing from skin cells which have had their DNA modified.
“Obviously, being born with your ankles tied together by a tight elastic band growing out of your own legs would tend to restrict your movement in a free-roaming, outdoor-style environment,” admitted Garage, “but we keep our chickens cramped in cages, so it’s not really a problem.”
“The main advantage of the integral chicken leg elastic becomes apparent after roasting the bird,” said the farmer. “A quick snip with the scissors and there you have it, a tasty little snack which doesn’t go flying round the kitchen, intent on choking the cat.”
Local woman Doris Kettle said she thought it was a good idea for the elastic to stay attached to the bird. “My husband was once badly whipped across the face by flying chicken leg elastic,” she recalled. “I told the girl in Tesco, it could’ve had his eye out.”
The procedure used by Garage to modify the chickens’ genetic structure is a guarded secret. When asked if he could give any clues, he remained silent and shuffled away.
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