Gove to ban Arabic Numerals from Maths curriculum

20140526-002053-1253646.jpgFollowing the decision by Michael Gove to remove some famous American literary works from the English Literature opting for more ‘traditionally english’ material such as the Conservative Party 1802 manifesto, he is also planning to ban the use of Arabic Numerals in maths.

“If Ukip’s recent success is anything to go by, then it is clear people want a more nationalist country” Gove explained in statement made in Latin. “That’s why we we intend to bring back good old Roman Numerals, or showing fingers and toes, or beans, the traditional English way.

“I know that some will say getting rid of a classic numeral system that has been used, studied and loved by students for many years is pointless and expensive, but mainly pointless, however those reasons that have never stopped me in the past.

“In fact by going back to a more ‘traditional’ way means I am confident I can secure new textbooks and materials at a knockdown price of CCC sheep, CCL goats, XXXII bags of beans, and I Nick Clegg.”

Critics have accused the education secretary of turning the education system into an institutional version of himself, “ideological and backward-looking”.

Shadow education secretary Tristram Hunt said he was completely exasperated by Gove’s plans to rid the curriculum of works such as To Kill A Mocking Bird and Of Mice And Men, and the main basic numbering system.

“I don’t know what to say to the man anymore, he seems in a 3rd century world of his own” he said. “I cant even get through to him by insulting him. To try and show him what I thought I put my hand up and flicked him the ‘V’s, but he thought I was giving him 5”.

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