Unknown interpreter enjoying post-ejaculatory cigarette
News outlets worldwide have been left red-faced today after it emerged that the man they assumed was the official sign language interpreter at Nelson Mandela’s memorial service was, in fact, merely standing next to the stage masturbating.
Viewers were at first confused that during President Obama’s address the man did not seem to be using recognised sign language, and this confusion was redoubled when it became apparent that the interpreter had removed his trousers and, giving up all pretence of communication, was frantically beating his male organ.
The Deaf Federation of South Africa told the BBC the man’s signs were “arbitrary”, “did not make sense”, and “he was clearly tugging himself off during the key points of the speech.”
South African sign language has its own structure and is not linked to any spoken language like Afrikaans, Xhosa or English, but is not generally believed to be based purely around a series of repetitive jerks to the penis and low moans.
The BBC’s “See Hear” researcher Erika Jones, also a sign language user, said the man’s signing seemed to have no grammatical base and was rendered almost totally meaningless by the gigantic curving white arc of sperm released during President Obama’s closing remarks.
The sign language interpreter has yet to be publicly identified, but it is believed that he is actually a great fan of President Obama who was merely “carried away by the moment”. People standing close to the stage reported him saying that he was a little embarrassed to be caught “knocking one out”, but “he thought he had got away with it,” as everyone would be looking at President Obama at the time.
In spite of the self-abusatory interruption, Obama’s speech has been incredibly well-received. The US President is now considering employing Newt Gingrich as the official “American Masturbator” for future appearances, and commentators are already insisting that Obama’s funeral address will do down in history as his “I have a wet dream” speech.
You must be logged in to post a comment.