Cameron’s hope for the future: I want your children to work for mine


A valuable skills-orientated workplace for a modern Britain and definitely not a dark satanic mill. Honest.

While on a tour of a factory David Cameron spoke of his hopes for the future by declaring that he wants the vast majority of the nation’s children to grow up and work for the children of he and his friends.

“As a country what we ought to be saying is: ‘Let’s get our education system right so we are producing young people out of our schools and colleges who are fully capable of doing these low-paid, soul-sapping jobs for less money a week than I spend on micro-transactions when I’m playing Angry Birds,” the Prime Minister said.

“My children are lovely. Yours are not. I’m buying my children an elite education. You are not. Your children will work for my children. You may leave.”

While Cameron’s remarks were greeted with fury from some, Cabinet colleagues were quick to back their leader up.

“The Prime Minister is quite right,” said Defence Secretary, Philip Hammond. “However it’s not just factories that we’re intent on seeing most young Britons work. We’re also very keen on kids joining the armed forces. We don’t just want your children to work for ours, we’d quite like them to die for them too.”

Home Secretary Theresa May was one of the few senior members of the Cabinet not to comment. Whitehall insiders say she’s having trouble with the Coalition’s troop of Wingéd Monkeys again and daren’t leave them for a second. Though unconfirmed it is widely believed that the problem lies with the fact that they can’t be taught to see Nick Clegg as anything other than prey.

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